I am going with my nickname!!!!
The period of time when I used the name Sam was a rough time in my life. With a lots of ups and a way lot of downs. I feel with that transition from Alex to Sam I started to experience the real world and I let it change me. I was no longer comfortable being me, I let others opinions affect me. I was less confident, less self assured and more bitter.
Will I am trying to work pass that now and what better way of showing that off to myself is by going back to my old nickname of Alex. Going forward that's the way I'm going to introduce myself.
Which, LOL, isn't going to be too confusing. My family never did stop calling me Alex, which I am extremely grateful for, and those that did call me Sam at this point are pretty much non-existent in my life.
Monday, April 27, 2020
Sunday, April 26, 2020
4/26/2020 - Let me Be Clear
At times it feels like I am just an anonymous to the people around me and the only reason they "interact" with me is because they feel obligated to do so. I exclude my family because they actively talk to me and seek me out. It makes it clear that the people in my past, because those are the only people I socialize with... if you can even call it that, view me in a negative light. That ooorrrr... they made up their minds that they really don't have the room to include me in their lives. What am I to assume when you ask someone "how they are doing?" and barely get a response back with no follow up to see how you are doing? Either the person is so self-centered, forgetful, socially inept, busy in their own life or a million other things. I don't know and I am pretty sure I will never know... that is life.
Am I blaming these people for not trying to get to know me or taking the time to chat with me? No, I am not. I made my mistakes and I have left, what I can only imagine, my negative or not impressive impression on them. That's their choice and they have the right to it. What I dislike is using my energy to keep a connection going that is pretty much not working. I need to work on that. I am giving the other person more control than they deserve to have. If I see the cracks on the wall. Why do I chose to stay in the house? You'd think I have enough sense to get out of the building before everything falls apart over me. But I don't or should I say I didn't.
I relied on other peoples imagined precipitation of me to control my actions and my self-imagine.I am creating this blog and maybe in the future podcast to be clear and honest. The posts can be personal or thought provoking or just random. I initially wanted the website to be called "wandering arrows" but I missed the mark and called it "wondering arrows," but my mistake lead to a more meaningful impact on what the name's significance is.
-Alex
Am I blaming these people for not trying to get to know me or taking the time to chat with me? No, I am not. I made my mistakes and I have left, what I can only imagine, my negative or not impressive impression on them. That's their choice and they have the right to it. What I dislike is using my energy to keep a connection going that is pretty much not working. I need to work on that. I am giving the other person more control than they deserve to have. If I see the cracks on the wall. Why do I chose to stay in the house? You'd think I have enough sense to get out of the building before everything falls apart over me. But I don't or should I say I didn't.
I relied on other peoples imagined precipitation of me to control my actions and my self-imagine.I am creating this blog and maybe in the future podcast to be clear and honest. The posts can be personal or thought provoking or just random. I initially wanted the website to be called "wandering arrows" but I missed the mark and called it "wondering arrows," but my mistake lead to a more meaningful impact on what the name's significance is.
-Alex
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