At times it feels like I am just an anonymous to the people around me and the only reason they "interact" with me is because they feel obligated to do so. I exclude my family because they actively talk to me and seek me out. It makes it clear that the people in my past, because those are the only people I socialize with... if you can even call it that, view me in a negative light. That ooorrrr... they made up their minds that they really don't have the room to include me in their lives. What am I to assume when you ask someone "how they are doing?" and barely get a response back with no follow up to see how you are doing? Either the person is so self-centered, forgetful, socially inept, busy in their own life or a million other things. I don't know and I am pretty sure I will never know... that is life.
Am I blaming these people for not trying to get to know me or taking the time to chat with me? No, I am not. I made my mistakes and I have left, what I can only imagine, my negative or not impressive impression on them. That's their choice and they have the right to it. What I dislike is using my energy to keep a connection going that is pretty much not working. I need to work on that. I am giving the other person more control than they deserve to have. If I see the cracks on the wall. Why do I chose to stay in the house? You'd think I have enough sense to get out of the building before everything falls apart over me. But I don't or should I say I didn't.
I relied on other peoples imagined precipitation of me to control my actions and my self-imagine.I am creating this blog and maybe in the future podcast to be clear and honest. The posts can be personal or thought provoking or just random. I initially wanted the website to be called "wandering arrows" but I missed the mark and called it "wondering arrows," but my mistake lead to a more meaningful impact on what the name's significance is.
-Alex
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