There's is no good or bad, moving forwards or backwards, it's all just one big pause. I almost want to say it's like a purgatory, YOU ARE TRAPPED. The world is somehow moving along and you can only watch it pass you by as you struggle to get out of the cycles of torrent and fear you've created for yourself. There's no getting out. In my experience good and bad dreams are blessings in one way, you wake up from them. In a hazy dream it goes on and on and on... Never any progress, never any failings. Sometimes you feel like you got out but you didn't. There you are blank with nothing to fear or to look forward to. Any other feeling would be welcomed because at least you know you are alive but where I am right now I don't feel anything.
How did we... I get here. It's June but the last few months didn't happen but they did. So much pain and uncertainty and joy and relief. Yet it feels empty non existent. I walk through the haze and fog and hope to find the edge. For now I just wonder through it, struggling to live.
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