Opening Up 9/19/20

It's weird to say but 2020 has been a rather good year for me especially when I think back to where I was last year. I couldn't have imagined myself being where I am today back then. There's things to work out but I am happy about who I am and I feel comfortable in my own skin, something I've only imagined being able to tell myself.

With this state of being I have been able to open up in ways I thought I won't every do. I have but myself out there in somethings I thought I would always keep hidden away. To be clear though I'm not going to openly say what that is. If those two sides of me, these worlds collide, so be it. I'm sure if people found out about this side it would make an interesting conversation or an instant purge 😅

I wonder if anyone knows or what they would say 🤔

Only time will tell and if I lose people then so be it, I don't need them in my life. This side is a part of me and I'm tired of being ashamed of it,thinking it's bad. I accepted it and I know I'm a good person. 😁

it's Complicated 9/14/2020

Seeking happiness from outside in is a no go. As humans and with our reptile brains if we look outward for happiness you are never going to truly be happy. You reach the end goal and it's not what you thought and you'll look for happiness somewhere else. It's never enough. I wonder if it's the same looking to be happy from the inside. I mean what does it matter in or out. Does the brain know the difference. Or maybe it interprets it differently and it's not as damaging to your mental well being if you are happy with yourself. It's a thinker for sure.

Which kinda brings me to the point I'm trying to make. Im happy-ish. I guess you can't always be 100% happy but you can be better about the way you feel when things don't go the way you hope. In lamest terms I don't care. What I mean by that is that I'm not overly occupied by other people's reactions or opinions (or the lack of 🤣) I'm good with who I am. If people don't get it or me that's all right, it wasn't meant to be. I'm not going to try and change for other people. Yet... 

Idk I'm not completely satisfied with where I am right now. I want more and the things the way they are now isn't getting me there. Like I said complicated. Time to alter course a bit and see where it takes me.