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Friday, September 8, 2023

9.1.2023 - Explanation

    I don’t know why I am so hell-bent mucking around with things from the past. I don’t know why I still think about her all the time. It has been a few years since we broke up, and I can’t even say exactly because there were moments after the fact. I guess not so clean cuts can do that. Now here is the question. What does it say about me trying to reconnect with her? Or is the better question, what does it have to say about her? 

    Now I am not going to stand here and say our relationship was perfect. Even in the beginning it had its flaws, areas to work on, but we were happy. I mean who can say their relationship is perfect, it wouldn’t be human. Happy as we were I was insecure and as time progressed it got worse and worse. Events in my life piled on to my insecurities and with no real tools to help and cope with these insecurities, stress, and anxiety, I self-sabotaged. Not only did I self-sabotaged, but I also took out my frustrations against her. I truly believe I was never physically abusive but emotionally…. Emotionally is something else entirely.

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