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Tuesday, September 19, 2023

Needy Much- 9/19/2023

 I heard somewhere, and I like to repeat, most people stop growing mentally once they reach high school. What I mean by that is that is your likely to repeat the same bs that you did in high school in your adult life. You’ll get annoyed at the same things, the same things will make you happy, mad, stressed and so on. I more or less act the same way as I did in high school and no that’s not a good thing.

I am a very sensitive and subconscious person. If you say something nice or mean about me, I am going to take it to heart. I remember when I went on a camping trip when I was in college, I overreacted because of something. Funny how I can’t remember the exact details. The thing I remember was the girl I like said she didn’t like Cold Play. For whatever fucking reason that devastated me. I remember closing off for the remainder of that trip and trying to sing along to my music, which I was blasting on my headphones. I acted like a child and thinking back this was probably one of the last things I was invited to do with this set of friends. Nobody ever really mentioned it again after that.

University really tested me. I am always commenting on how hard university was for me and I think it was because of my emotional immaturity. It is hard for me to express my feelings when something negative happens to me. I either lock up or I get angry. I remember moments but it is always mixed with other feelings like want and desire. Not fully understanding these feelings makes me unhinged maybe. Maybe that’s why I stray to certain things. So many mixed feelings.

How do people do it?  

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